


His name was Alexander

by Lavanyaa



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Love, M/M, Magnus falls in love again, Magnus is happy, Moving On
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-29
Updated: 2019-03-29
Packaged: 2019-12-26 09:47:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18280655
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lavanyaa/pseuds/Lavanyaa
Summary: ''I think the hardest part of losing someone, isn't having to say goodbye,but rather learning to live without them.Always trying to fill the void, the emptiness,that's left inside your heart when they go.''Magnus, years later, after Alec passed away.Gone, but never forgotten.





	His name was Alexander

**Author's Note:**

  * For [blasphemous](https://archiveofourown.org/users/blasphemous/gifts).



> So I started this months ago, but never finished it, and it's not finished actually, but since it's Yara's birrthdaaaayyyy I wanted to publish the first chapter of this story, because it was actually inspired by one of her tweets ! 
> 
> So here you go, Yara, I hope you like this, and again, happy birthday! Sorry for the mistakes, if there are any ... Love you <3

It was almost midnight and Nathan wasn't back yet. Magnus had been pacing around his loft, for almost an hour and a half, worried about what could take him so long. He just went out to get some food after all.

Both of them hadn't been in the mood to sleep yet, and Magnus suddenly had carved for some food, but instead of letting him magically conjure it, Nathan had grabbed his coat and shoes and had ran out of the loft.

 

It was mid-december, and the cold outside was freezing. Thankfully, Magnus' magic was able to maintain the place warm. But most of the days, like today, he hadn't use his magic to keep the place warm. There was something soothing about staying at home, with a cup of hot chocolat during the cold of winter. Magnus clenched his robe against him, and crossed his arms in front of his chest.

 

''Come on Nathan, it doesn't take one hour to get some food ! I'm starving'' complained Magnus, to himself.

 

Nathan had always been like that, making everything complicated. Even after eight years of being in a relationship with him, he still hadn't get used to his weird habits.

 

With a fond smile, he remembered how they met for the first time. It was eight years ago.

 

Magnus had been walking to his place, after spending a whole day running after some clients who needed his immediate assistance.

He had been going to a place to get some food for the night, when he had bumped into him, who had been running toward the opposite direction.

 

''Watch where you're going !'' had exclaimed Magnus, not having the time, or the patience, to deal with mundanes at this hour of the day. But then, after a few seconds of being near him, Magnus had immediately felt, and knew that Nathan was indeed a warlock himself.

But instead of apologizing, Nathan had looked at him in awe, and then smiling at him with a flirty smile, he whispered one word.

 

''Wow''

 

Frowning, Magnus had opened his mouth to say something, but then had heard a yelling, and had looked behind Nathan, to see another man running toward them, holding a pastry roll in one of his hands.

Before Magnus could voice out in confusion, Nathan had looked at him with his widen eyes and had said,

 

''Shit, sorry beautiful, I gotta run. Catch you later !''

 

Then, he had ran away, the pastry man chasing after him, insulting him in an unknow langage.

 

Shaking his head, Magnus had continued on his way.

 

Then, they had met again, in a coffee shop down his new loft, only after a few months later.

 

Magnus had been sitting at a table, two empty cups of coffee in front of him, waiting for Catarina. They had planned a meeting at the coffee shop, to catch up a little since it had been a long time since they had seen each other after … everything.

 

Right when he was going to order a third cup of coffee, he had received a text message from Catarina, telling him that she had an emergency at the hospital, so she wouldn't be able to join him.

 

Magnus had sighed, and had moved to stand up from his chair, when suddenly, out of nowhere, Nathan had appeared and sat in front of him.

 

''Hello again'' had said Nathan, smiling, and waving at him,

 

''You !'' had exclaimed Magnus, looking at him with widen eyes, and a surprised expression.

 

''What are you doing here ?''

 

''You remember me !'' had happily exclaimed, Nathan,

 

''I left such a good impression the last time we met ?''

 

Magnus hadn't answered his question, he picked up his phone from the table, and had wanted to stand up, but had Nathan interrupted him,

 

''Wait a minute, where are you going ? I just got here !''

 

''I wasn't waiting for you. And since the person I have been waiting for is not coming anymore, I don't have any reason to stay''

 

''Stay for me ?''

 

''Excuse me ?'' had asked Magnus, with his eyebrows raised, not in the mood to flirt with anyone at the moment.

 

'' Just a few minutes !'' had begged Nathan, holding up his hands,

 

''Why would I stay ?'' had asked Magnus, looking at Nathan with confusion, but also being curious.

 

After a few seconds of silence, Nathan had answered, smiling widely,

 

''So I could tell you the funny reason why a pastry man chased after me that day we met !''

 

Taking a deep breath and debating with himself about whether to stay or not, Magnus had questionned himself. After _he_ passed away, 394 years ago, Magnus hadn't met new people. He had been in two relationships in all those past years, but they hadn't been serious relationships. And since then, he hadn't been looking forward to meet people, whether if it was a matter of friendship, or romantic relationships.

 

''Look'' had said Nathan, looking at him, suddenly, with a serious expression, ''I don't know you, but you look like you could use some company, I have been watching you for a few minutes aaand I think you're sad'' had said Nathan, his eyes filled with something that Magnus hadn't been able to describe.

 

''I am not'' had replied Magnus, immediately, defensively. Nathan had just simply raised his eyebrows at him and looked at him in a way that was telling Magnus that he knew that he was lying to himself.

Magnus had looked away from Nathan, and had stared at the door of the shop for a few seconds, his mind spiralling between staying and leaving.

 

''Come on, give me a chance, I am not asking you on a date or anything Mr Bane. And yes, I know who you are, there are no warlock alive in this time who doesn't know your name or how you look like. So, sit down, and I promise you, by the end of the day, you'd be lauging your head off'' had said Nathan, smirking back at him and looking at him with a teasing look.

 

''Really ?'' had asked Magnus, with a small smile, feeling a new, weird, but a nice warm feeling growing inside of his cold, empty, walled up heart. And Nathan had been right. It had been a long time since he had laughed with someone, or even smiled properly. Even with Catharina and Raphael, their usual banter had transformed itself into silence meetings. Grief had take away all the joy and life strenght from his life. And he had been a living corpse that time.

 

So when Nathan had offered this proposition, he had gotten curious and surprised, then leaned back in his chair, and had replied,

 

''Alright, be my guest. Achieve something that hadn't been done by my closest friends even if they have been trying for hundreds of years.''

 

''But I am not a friend'' had answered Nathan, winking at him.

 

They had started talking, and they had talked and talked for hours.

But mostly, it had been Nathan who did all the talking and Magnus just, had sat there, listening to him, laughing at everything Nathan said.

He hadn't been able to stop. Nathan did have an entertaining life, and he was such a weird and funny person.

By the end of the day, when they had gotten out the coffee shop, Nathan had proposed Magnus to meet at the same place, same time, the day after. And Magnus, not even sparing a second thought, had said yes.

 

Of course, after he had gone back home, guilt and pain had resurfaced, and he had spend half of the following day closed up in his appartement, and hadn't been to meet Nathan at the time they had planned. But, the night had came, and Magnus had really wanted to get out of his appartement. So he had put some make-up and had taken his coat, and had got out of his place.

When he had opened the door of the coffee shop, that night, he had found himself frozen on the spot, because, only a few meters away from him, Nathan, had been sitting in front the table they had been the day before. He had been laying down on the table, with his chin resting on his hands, his lips forming a pout, his eyes half closed as if he had been waiting here all day. And apparently, he had been.

 

When Magnus had started walking toward him, Nathan's eyes had found his, and as if he had been struck by lightening, he had straightened up in his chair, all signs of tiredness, and sadness disappearing from his face, and he had smiled at Magnus, widely, his face shining with happiness, and that second, Magnus had felt … something.

 

Then, Nathan had leaned back on his chair, with a smug smile, and a grin, that Magnus had found irritating, yet profoundly fond at the same time, and had said,

 

''I knew you'd come, eventually.''

 

And Magnus had found himself sitting in front of Nathan, and before he could stop it, a wide smile had taken over his face, and after a very long time, he had felt the first brick of the wall surrounding his heart fall away.

 

And for the first time, after hundreds years of loneliness, heartbreak, pain, anger, Magnus had walked back home with a real smile and a light heart.

 

Then, years later, friendship had transformed itself to love, and they had went from friends to lovers.

Eight years of a relationship was an amazing thing. Nathan had thaught him plenty of things, but the most important thing he had thaught him was how to live again after feeling like all hope was lost. And Magnus had been going through literal Hell when he had met Nathan.

But Nathan, had brought back Magnus to life. And little by little, he had brought back all the joy, peace, love, and fun that Magnus had lost along the way.

 

Catharina, Raphael, Madzie and Simon included, had instantly loved Nathan for bringing their friend back to them, happy and content.

 

And Magnus loved him too, even if sometimes he really did wonder how he ever end up in a situation like this after feeling lost, and broken for years.

Nathan was indeed someone special.

 

Nathan was a centuries old warlock, who had spend most his life away from the Downworld and the Shadow World's problems and politics. Which was a miracle. Because even if Magnus had spend centuries on this planet, problems concerning both of those worlds never seem to end.

 

However, even if he had tried to get away from the Shadow World, Magnus had always found himself drawn back to that part of his life.

 

Nathan may have been spending years being away from the Shadowhunters and the Downworlders, but he loved the human world the most. He had spend years traveling the world, going countries to countries, discovering thousands of cultures of the outside world, and apparently, he had loved it. He still did.

There were some days, when Nathan would go out, only for a few days, and meet new people. Nathan had told him that humanity intrigued him, that he was drawned by it. Which was something Magnus never understood.

 

More than four hundred years may have passed, but humanity was still at his worst. Magnus was actually surprised that the Earth was still existing after all these years of suffering by these humans' hands, and actions. People got more cruel and selfish, but the world kept going.

 

Magnus admired Nathan for his ability of staying away from the Shadow World. He did have amazing memories from that part of his life. And he did find himself going back to those memories from time to time. But deep down, since a while ago, more like since a few years, he had been wishing to retract himself from that world. Because if he had the best memories of his life attached to that world, it was also where _the_ worst moment of his life belonged. And thinking about the Shadowworld, or the Downworld kept reminding him of that moment, and that hurted more than any pain he had felt.

 

The Clave's ways of working and communicating with the Downworlders changed amazingly after all … _his_ works. But there were still some shadowhunters, who acted like the world belonged to them, and who still looked down at Downworlders.

After all, you can't change everyone. But all _he_ did, what _they_ did … _together_ , was something people would remember for years, centuries even.

 

It had been 402 years, 5 months, and 3 days, since he lost him, someone who had been so precious to his life, and Magnus was still dealing with that loss.

 

Sometimes, there were some losses which couldn't be dealed as quickly as we wish.

And for Magnus, dealing with this particular loss, was the most difficult thing he had ever done. And he wasn't done with it. And he didn't think he would ever be able to move on completly from this loss. Yes, living without _him_ was getting easier, but it still hurted.

 

Dealing with a loss, requires to deal with the memories of that person. You have to face the feeling of void, that emptiness you feel after losing that _one_ person, in a way you couldn't get them back. And this process of dealing with a loss is painful. Every day passed, and even if Magnus, was now happy, he did feel, from time to time, a piece of himself slipping away every time his mind goes back to _him._

 

Thankfully, Nathan, and his friends had been, and still were, there for him, by his side, supporting him, and helping him in every way possible.

 

The sound of a knock came from the front door, and shaking himself out of his thoughts, Magnus got up from his couch, walked toward his appartement door, opened it.

 

And without any warning, taking Magnus completly by surprise, a ball of snow landed on Magnus' face, hitting him right on his nose.

Shrieking, Magnus got away from the door, holding his face between his hands, while a loud laughing sound resonated around him.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you all for reading! 
> 
> And go read all of her fics, because they're beautiful !!


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